Cupboard/Transcript

[Screen shows Salad Fingers sitting on his couch. In front of him is a radio sitting on a counter.]

Salad Fingers: Hello. I-I like to listen to my radio. I-I-I listen to the war. And sometimes, i-if i'm an early bird, I listen to Croxley at breakfast.

[Salad Fingers turns the dial on the radio, but gets nothing but static noise.]

Salad Fingers: I-I can't find a clear station, Roger.

[Salad Fingers collects some pebbles from a brown bag, and drops them into the inside of the radio. Some fall out because of the radio already being filled up with them.]

Salad Fingers: H-he gets a little uppity when he hasn't had his sustenance.

[The radio begins to make a progressively loud static growling noise, and then suddenly quiets down.]

Salad Fingers: Augh. W-what a hideous sound. Have I happened upon an unpleasant broadcast? (Walks up to the radio) What's this about, Roger? (Puts his hand onto the radio) I-I sure hope it doesn't concern me.

[The radio suddenly zaps electricity, startling Salad Fingers. His stomach starts to rumble.]

[Screen cuts to Salad Fingers walking through his house, away from the radio. He walks up to a cupboard in the wall.]

Salad Fingers: A man can't cope with all of these unpleasant frequencies about. I think i'll sit this one out in the safety cupboard.

[Salad Fingers crawls inside the cupboard, and closes it. He sits there, moving his head happily. He decides to role play a scene with his fingers, as he makes his fingers walk down one side of the cupboard, and sings a short tune.]

Salad Fingers: ♪ Tiddle de tum de tom seetoo ta tiddle te top de tee. ♪ Where are you skipping off to today, Penny Pigtails?

[Salad Fingers gives a voice to "Penny Pigtails."]

Salad Fingers: I'm heading off to the market for some raspberry jam.

[Salad Fingers adds in a new character to the scene.]

Salad Fingers: I'll sell you no such thing! H-said the market trader. Your legs are made of cotton, and they're far too long.

[Salad Fingers starts to cry and sob, finding the scene very upsetting. Penny Pigtails continues to walk, before finding a dark red strand of hair.]

Salad Fingers: Ooh. All is not lost, Penny Pigtails. (Picks up the hair) You've found yourself a special hair.

[Salad Fingers slowly rubs the strand of hair on his eyeball, as he makes a long noise in pleasure. His eye gets irritated.]

[Screen cuts to Salad Fingers walking into his bedroom with the hair in hand, as he places it carefully onto a desk. He looks up at some tape holding up a collection of other hairs, as he lifts up one side of the tape, and sticks the new strand of hair underneath it. Salad Fingers awe's in happiness, as he tears up.]

Salad Fingers: You all look so beautiple together, so happy. A gay little quintet gently singing in the breeze.

[Screen cuts to Salad Fingers lying in bed with Hubert Cumberdale. Salad Fingers starts to sing the Nursery rhyme, '10 in the bed.']

Salad Fingers: ♪ There were three in the bed, and the little one said "Roll over!" ♪ 

[Salad Fingers knocks Hubert Cumberdale off the bed and into a used chamber pot.]

Salad Fingers: (Angry)Scrub that muck off at once, Hubert Cumberdale. H-I'll have no dirty immigrants in my house.

[Screen cuts to Salad Fingers sleeping in his bed with an old sheet on him. He's woken up by a loud static and screechy noise coming from his radio in the other room. He slowly tip toes towards the room that the radio is in, as it continues to make a screech noise.]

Salad Fingers: Roger, I shan't have you bellowing such frequencies at this hour, upsetting my insides and worrying my mind. I-I've got a good mind to show you the door.

['Roger' starts to speak in a low and static voice.]

Radio: It was quite bad mannered of you to keep one of my hairs. I'd like it back, if that's not an issue.

Salad Fingers: H-pardon?

Radio: This house is filthy! Clean it up.

Salad Fingers: H-but it's not my turn. (Stern) H-and it's a rotten job! I shan't, I can't, and I won't!

Radio: Do it now. Do it now. Do it now. Do it now.

[Screen cuts to Salad Fingers in his room again, crying. He removes the tape and the hair from the wall, and eats it. He gets back into his safety cupboard, and cries. The screen fades, as Salad Fingers sobs in his cupboard.]

[END]