Present/Transcript

[Screen shows Salad Fingers walking through his house, and up to a large cupboard. Hubert Cumberdale is seen on the top of it.]

Salad Fingers: Come down from there at once, Hubert Cumberdale!

[The finger puppet melts into a black liquid mass, as it leaks down the cupboard. Salad Fingers just watches it.]

Salad Fingers: You're just a sticky river. (Touches the stuff, singeing his finger) Oh!

[Screen cuts to a silhouette figure walking around in Salad Fingers house. Salad Fingers pokes his head out nervously to look for whatever is making that noise.]

Salad Fingers: Hello? W...W-who's there?

[Jeremy Fisher appears, but it turns out to be on Salad Fingers' Finger. Salad Fingers smiles in relief.]

Salad Fingers: Jeremy Fisher! I-I thought you were out fighting the Great War. (Makes a strange low babbling noise for Jeremy Fisher's response. Salad Fingers stares in confusion.) I-I'm sorry, I couldn't understand that. Y-you seem to have adopted a strange dialect.

[Screen cuts to a living and life-sized Jeremy Fisher (Salad Fingers' imagination) who has a button tag over his mouth. He hands Salad Fingers a small figurine of a white and black speckled horse.]

Salad Fingers: Is this a present for me, Mr. Fisher?

[Jeremy Fisher nods, as Salad Fingers strokes the horse in awe.]

Salad Fingers: My very own Horace Horsecollar. Awe. (Gets close to the figure, and whispers to it) You hold a welcoming texture. A pleasure for the tips.

[Scene cuts back to reality, as Jeremy Fisher seen as a regular sized finger puppet again. Salad Fingers has a slight look of concern, before he stuffs the finger puppet into his mouth, and swallows it.]

Salad Fingers: (Looking around, cross) Where've you gotten to?

[Salad Fingers looks at the ground, and sees "Horace Horsecollar." He gets excited.]

Salad Fingers: Ohhh! Ohhh! (Starts playing with the horse) Neigh! Neigh! You're all ready for the big race, H-Horace Horsecollar! W-we're counting on you.

[Screen cuts to Salad Fingers walking outside with Horace Horsecollar, towards a toilet.]

Salad Fingers: (Looks into the toilet bowl) Oooohhh! Cr-crikey! How long has it been since I've seen your chops? (Dips hand into toilet water) H-t-there's probably enough water in here to wash my petticoat. (Strokes the rusty pipe, while taking his hand back out of the water. He suddenly has a look of worry, as he stares into the toilet bowl) P-pardon? I-I-I don't understand. W-what is this? H-m-n-no! T-this isn't true. You've got the wrong bloke, squire! (Nervous sounds) (Flushes the toilet) W-wash those bad thoughts away. H...Horace, i think you'd better take me home.

[Salad Fingers walks hack to his house. As he stands in the doorway, he gasps. He sees himself, sitting on a chair in the house. It speaks in a serious voice.]

Other Salad Fingers: Jeremy Fisher, I thought you were out fighting the Great War.

[Screen cuts to the life sized Jeremy Fisher standing in the doorway instead of Salad Fingers.]

Other Salad Fingers: I'd like a word with you. H- I'm not one for accusations but, this one's cast iron. (Has a Jeremy Fisher finger puppet on his finger, as he speaks to it) I've seen you, tailgating my daughter with aspirations of deflowering her rose. I don't make mistakes, comrade. This one's textbook.

[Screen cuts to the life sized Jeremy Fisher, in front of the Salad Fingers. It unpops the button tag off it's mouth, as it's mouth starts bubbling green liquid as it drips onto the floor.]

Other Salad Fingers: I never did get to sample the delights of your flavour.

[The screen cuts to the Salad Fingers slowly rising the Jeremy Fisher finger puppet (on his finger) to his mouth, as the screen glitches to what is actually happening. The Salad Fingers is eating the other Salad Fingers head. He continues to chew while blood is flowing and dripping down the Salad Fingers face. The screen cuts to the outside of Salad Fingers house, with the toilet.]

[END]