is the eighth episode of the Salad Fingers series.

Salad Fingers is sitting in his armchair, trying to tune his radio, which he calls "Roger." After feeding Roger his "sustenance" (which seems to be marbles, peas, rocks or beans), it begins to emit a strange, piercing frequency. He decides to wait out the tormenting event in his "safety cupboard."

When in the cupboard, Salad Fingers begins to converse with his hands. One hand enacts "Penny Pigtails," the other a market trader. After being refused her purchase of raspberry jam, on the grounds that her legs are "made of cotton" and "far too long" (an event that Salad Fingers finds most upsetting), whilst a melancholic soundtrack is playing, Penny Pigtails discovers a long strand of hair, which Salad rubs over his eyeball, apparently causing him great pleasure, although it makes his eye red and inflamed. He then leaves the cupboard and tapes it to a wall to form a "quintette" with four other hairs he has collected.

Next, he goes to bed with the Hubert Cumberdale puppet. Before going to sleep, Salad Fingers sings "Three in the Bed," and instructs Hubert Cumberdale to "roll over"; as a result, the finger puppet is sent off the bed into a bowl of a filthy, brown substance (likely a chamberpot). Salad Fingers orders Hubert Cumberdale to "scrub that muck off at once!" as he doesn't want any "dirty immigrants" in his house.

Later that night, the radio begins to emit strange sounds again and wakes up Salad Fingers. Salad Fingers approaches it warily and threatens Roger with expulsion from the house. The radio replies it was rude of Salad Fingers to take his hair. The radio speaks in a static voice, instructing Salad Fingers to return its hair, as well as to tidy the house. Salad Fingers declares that he shan't, on the grounds that it isn't "his turn" and that it is an extremely unpleasant job. The radio continues to torment him, causing him to eat all of the hairs from his quintette, tape and all, and return to his cupboard in tears whilst the melancholic music plays a second time.

Trivia Edit

  • Starting with this episode, the original theme song was dropped.
  • The music playing in the beginning is the original theme in reverse.
  • Salad Fingers reveals that he listens to the great war via the radio, hinting he may have been a radio worker during the great war.