[Scene shows Salad Fingers sitting outside with a hand mirror next to him. He picks it up and looks into it.]
Salad Fingers: Well hello, Mr. Fingers. There you are. I've got a collection of little buggers who've been waiting to see you.
[Salad Fingers lifts up his hand to show all three of his finger puppets: Jeremy Fisher, Hubert Cumberdale and Marjory Stewart-Baxter. They are dirty and tattered, and have some small outfit changes. Marjory's dress is now a crop top, and her hair is a little shorter, and Jeremy's shirt now has a collar and tie.]
Salad Fingers: (Angry) Ugh. I thought I told you to get a haircut, Marjory Stewart-Baxter.
[Salad Fingers puts down the mirror and starts tearing Marjory's hair out with his teeth.]
Salad Fingers: H-When you disobey me, (Bites) h…h-this is what it comes to!
[Salad Fingers collapses onto his hands, coughing and gagging. He stops, and breathes heavily. His mouth is covered with the hair.]
Salad Fingers: Oh, I suppose you find this amusing, do you, Hubert Cumberdale?
[Hubert Cumberdale is on the floor. Salad Fingers lifts up his hand to reveal Jeremy Fisher still on his finger.]
Salad Fingers: H...y-you're the best behaved, Jeremy Fisher. H-y-you'll be first in the bathtub tonight.
[Water starts forming a puddle underneath Hubert Cumberale's head.]
Salad Fingers: Oh, don't give me those tears now. [Picks up the mirror and shoves it in the finger puppet’s face. A reflection of Salad Fingers appears in the mirror.]
Reflection: You'll never be a real boy, Hubert Cumberdale.
[The puddle grows slightly larger as Salad Fingers just sits back with a sad expression.]
[Scene cuts to Salad Fingers' house, in a basement. Salad Fingers walks up to a workbench with drawers and different objects as tools on it. There is a lamp above it, shining onto Hubert Cumberdale. Salad Fingers strokes the puppet with a finger.]
Salad Fingers: I think you're about ready to grow up a little. Don't you?
[Salad Fingers opens one of the drawers. Inside is a small box full of pieces of flesh. In the drawer is also the pump that Salad Fingers used to breathe after having Yvonne, and Harry's name tag. He grabs a piece of flesh, and places it on Hubert. Salad Fingers starts to sew it onto him. Time passes, and the workbench is covered in pieces of flesh. Salad Fingers finishes sewing. He then pokes at his new creation, checking that it's finished.]
Salad Fingers: Well, who's that little dazzling dreamboat? What's your number, sugar cheeks? Thunder thighs? Ladies and gentlemen, h... a new, improved a-Hubert Cumberdale! The real boy.
[The new Hubert Cumberdale resembles a fleshy and saggy creature with skinny limbs, lips, droopy nipples, and one missing eye. It comes to life, standing up and walking towards Salad Fingers. He starts to speak in a high pitched and gurgly voice.]
Hubert Cumberdale: I just want to dance on the rooftops for all to see. I'm fresh and ready for life. (Sits back down)
[Salad Fingers gets super excited as he grabs Hubert Cumberdale, lifting him up and squeezing him for a few seconds. Hubert Cumberdale gasps and gurgles.]
Hubert Cumberdale: (while moving his shoulders rhythmically) I'm a big boy now.
[Screen cuts to Salad Fingers sorting through a pile of clothes on his bed. There is a large mirror on a desk behind him.]
Salad Fingers: They grow up so fast, don't they? Ha. (Picks up a small tattered yellow shirt) H-And he's already running about and playing with all the other little girls and boys. (Puts down the shirt, and picks up a small pair of dirty trousers. He sniffs them. He puts them back down) H...h... I-I've surely been blessed b-by the soft hand of our great provider. (Walks up to the mirror and taps it) Ugh. You're just a Glass Brother. You wouldn't understand.
[Suddenly, an elderly woman in an old, faded pink dress suddenly appears in the mirror behind his reflection. She's sitting in a rocking chair and smoking. Her fingers are three times his length. She speaks in a low and croaky, almost demonic voice.]
Glass Mother: You're a stupid boy.
Salad Fingers: Y-yes mother. I am a stupid boy. I'm sorry, Mother.
Glass Mother: Fetch me a bowl of porridge.
Salad Fingers: Yes, Glass Mother.
[Salad Fingers walks away.]
[Screen cuts to Salad Fingers walking towards the mirror with a bowl of black lumpy 'porridge.' He taps it and grinds repeatedly in the mirror, trying to pass it though, but it doesn't.]
Salad Fingers: Stop it, hey! He won't let me pass it! He keeps on...
Glass Mother: What a weak little squirt you are.
Salad Fingers: He keeps on- stop it! He's doing it! (Eyes tear up) Look, it won't... (Blubbering and sobbing)
Glass Brother: Come on, weaklybones. Pass mother the porridge! I think you want her to starve!
Glass Mother: I'd rather starve then sit here and watch this pathetic display. You'll forever just be a lonely reflection.
Salad Fingers: It's not fair. I've been in here for too long. (Taps on glass) I-I want to go home now. (Puts hands onto the mirror)
Glass Brother: Those cacky spider fingers aren't going anywhere, Andrew-hands!
Salad Fingers: (Gasp) W-what a horrible thing to say.
[Screen cuts to Salad Fingers walking out of his house with the new Hubert Cumberdale slithering on the ground like a slug, following him.]
Salad Fingers: D-don't worry, new improved Hubert Cumberdale. The real boy. H-I-I know of another entrance, heh.
Hubert Cumberdale: Why is Glass Brother so mean, Mr. Fingers?
Salad Fingers: He was raised under the beast's sun.
[They reach a puddle of water. Salad Fingers crouches down, and looks into it.]
Glass Brother: Morning, wetlegs! Thought you'd slip in the back door, did you?
Salad Fingers: (Dips his fingers into the puddle) H...I-I must ask that you step aside.
Glass Brother: I absolutely shan't.
[Salad Fingers gets onto his knees and shoves his face into the puddle a few times, trying to get through. Hubert Cumberdale just stares into the distance, with audible breathing. Salad Fingers eventually stops, looking back at the now bubbly puddle.]
Glass Brother: Puddle meddling is punishable by a stern rasping. Rasp! Rasp rasp! Rasp!
Salad Fingers: H-st-stop rasping.
[Screen cuts to Salad Fingers stirring a boiling pot with his finger. The pot full of blue-colored liquid on a bench in his kitchen. He lifts up the mirror in his hand to show Glass Mother, who is making him cook.]
Glass Mother: Handful of audax powder.
[Salad Fingers grabs a pinch of powder out of a bowl, and drops it into the pot.]
Glass Mother: Brown pebbles.
[Salad Fingers grabs an alien-like eyeball from a pile, and places it into the pot.]
Glass Mother: a half cup of spider milk. Speckled huckleberry leaf.
Salad Fingers: B-but Glass Mother, H-you know that speckled huckleberry leaf makes my tummy box all bilious. H-I-I-I don't want another fever.
Glass Mother: (Picks up a wooden walking cane and begins to shout) You'll eat what I tell you to! (Starts tapping the cane on the other side of the mirror) Don't make me come through that mirror and poke out your eyes!
[Screen cuts to Salad Fingers sitting at a table with the food he just made in a bowl. He's still holding the mirror.]
Glass Mother: Now get it down you.
[Salad Fingers scoops up some of the food with a rusty spoon, and hesitates, before sticking it in his mouth. He gags as he keeps chewing. Glass Mother watches.]
[Screen cuts to the aftermath. Salad Fingers is sitting on his bed with the empty bowl next to him. The mirror is also next to him. He is clutching onto his upset growling stomach. He vomits on the ground and lays down onto the bed, groaning in pain. Hubert Cumberdale comes up to him on the bed.]
Hubert Cumberdale: Don't worry, Mr. Fingrés. I'll clean it up.
Salad Fingers: Ahh, you're a good lad.
[Salad Fingers lifts up the mirror to show Glass Brother staring at him.]
Glass Brother: Who are you talking to?
Salad Fingers: Why, Hubert Cumberdale, of course.
[Glass Brother sees Hubert, as he gasps and awes.]
Glass Brother: Hello there, little boy. (Twitches)
[Hubert Cumberdale hops onto Salad Fingers to get closer to the mirror.]
Salad Fingers: He's my real life flesh boy. The most beautiful boy in the world.
[Screen cuts to a close up of Hubert's face as he audibly breathes. Suddenly Glass Brother’s hand comes out of the mirror and grabs Hubert Cumberdale, taking him away.]
Glass Brother: Ha haa! (Continues to laugh and taunt)
Salad Fingers: (Tapping on the glass with his fingers in desperation) Noooo! Hubeeert! Noooo! Aaahh!
Glass Mother: (In a deeper demonic voice) He'll make a good broom-lad. Stick him in the coal shed.
[Glass Brother walks away with Hubert, as Salad Fingers continues to wail and push his hands against the mirror.]
[Screen cuts to Salad Fingers quietly opening his front door and stepping outside. He sneaks up to the puddle and looks into it, noticing that his reflection/Glass Brother isn't there. Making sure there's nobody around, he dives head first into the puddle as it sucks him in. He sinks slowly down the water peacefully towards the direction of his house. He goes through a window with no glass, as the view flips around. Glass Brother is sleeping on his bed. Salad Fingers gasps quietly, as he spots Hubert Cumberdale in a jar on a small coffee table in the middle of the room. Salad Fingers floats towards the jar quietly.]
Glass Brother: (Wakes up suddenly) Hello!
[Salad Fingers suddenly stops floating, and drops onto the ground.]
Glass Brother: W-w-what brings you here?
[Salad Fingers gets up with the jar.]
Salad Fingers: (Serious tone) I don't think you ought to have stolen my little flesh boy.
[Glass Brother slowly opens his mouth to reveal moving nails as his teeth, as his body starts to twitch and distort. He starts to screech. Glass Mother appears behind Salad Fingers on her chair, also twitching and distorting. She smashes the mirror, and laughs a cackle. Salad Fingers backs away, as Glass Brother walks towards him. Salad Fingers eyes light up at the sight of the vomit puddle on the floor, and throws the jar into it, sucking Hubert into it. The vomit splatters onto Glass Brother's face as he glares at Salad Fingers. Salad Fingers puts his hands up, and looking at Glass Brother one more time before jumping head first into the puddle. He comes out of it on the other side back in his house. Hubert Cumberdale is laying down in the remains of the smashed jar. Glass Brother's fingers slowly try to reach out of the puddle with a creepy groan, but Salad Fingers pushes them back down. Glass Mother reaches her fingers out of the hand mirror next to him, as she stares right at him.]
Glass Mother: You ungrateful little swine! That'll be 8 months in the slag-house for you, you rotten little pigeon-prick!
[Salad Fingers looks into the mirror before smashing it on the ground, the glass shattering. Her voice and her face splits into the separate pieces of glass. Glass Mother continues to insult and berate Salad Fingers.]
Glass Mother: You shitty little bugger! I'll have your eyes for crow's food and have your arms for cricket stumps! Just wait until your father-
[Salad Fingers continues to smash the glass with the mirror, the voices multiplying.]
Glass Mother: You dirty little minge-splinter!
[The voices become more distorted and higher-pitched, as Salad Fingers keeps smashing the glass pieces, trying to make all of her voices stop. He then starts hitting the glass with his fist in a panic, causing him to bleed. Salad Fingers stops to catch his breath as the voices quiet down. Hubert Cumberdale slides up to the glass, then Salad Fingers grabs him and wipes his face into the tiny pieces of glass. He stops to look at him, then starts licking his glass covered face like a mother cat would do to her kittens. He stops and smiles.]
[Screen cuts to Salad Fingers sitting on his bed with a small box. Hubert Cumberdale is laying down flat on a small coffee table, looking lifeless. Salad Fingers has a piece of the mirror glass. Glass Mother is seen in it, still berating Salad Fingers.]
Glass Mother: You little sodgeworth of spittle! You dirty little minge splinter! Get your ass from my chest! Get your nose out of the dirt!
[Salad Fingers cuts his finger with the glass and wipes his blood onto the glass, covering her up as she is still talking. He then places the glass in the box on a small pillow inside.]
Glass Mother: (Incomprehensible swearing) You shitty little bugger! I'll have your eyes for crow's food, and have your arms for cricket stumps! (Incomprehensible swearing) Just wait until your father gets-
[Salad Fingers closes the lid of the box, finally silencing her.]
[END]
| Salad Fingers Episode Transcripts |
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